Becoming a Bar Mitzvah

If you follow me on Instagram, then by now you know, my first born son, has become a Bar Mitzvah. Becoming a Bar Mitzvah is a right of passage for a 13 year old boy and one of these most important milestones in the Jewish Religion.

I grew up Jewish. There was no question. My Boobie and Zaidy survived the holocaust and not a moment went by where they let us forget it. They not only hid and survived themselves, but my Boobie hid with a baby boy who she had to keep quiet underground in a cellar for years. I could talk on and on about their story but instead I’m going to link to it here and get back to my boy…I mean MAN of the YEAR.

Back when Gavin was a couple years old, we put him into a Jewish pre-school. The fact that it was Jewish was a bonus. We had gotten lucky as I walked by a building two blocks from where we were living that had a sign in the door saying: PRESCHOOL COMING SOON. We signed Gavin up out of sheer convenience and it was perfect. He learned Jewish songs, traditions, came home with dough to bake challah every Friday, I couldn’t have been more thrilled.

When he moved on to Kindergarten, we joined a temple in Gramercy Park called The Brotherhood Synagogue where we put him in Hebrew school. The program was once a week, 2 hours every Tuesday. It was great. He made great friends, he learned the Hebrew language and about the culture and holidays and we went to temple as a family for Shabbat sometimes and Adam and I would go for all of the high holidays.

In 2018, they gave us a date for Gavin’s Bar Mitzvah: Nov. 5th, 2022. Yes. 4 years in advance!!

Between 2018 and 2022…you can fill in the blanks…but we were no longer in NYC so I canceled the date. When we moved to Florida, there were two things I did when we arrived:
1. Found the hockey rink.
2. Found a Hebrew program.
Through our real estate broker who is also Jewish, we found an absolutely lovely Chabad program. The family who runs the program is so warm and my kids loved it. Same deal, they were going once a week for Hebrew studies and starting in 2021, Gavin began his Bar Mitzvah tutoring with Rabbi Mendel.

Once we were settled in Florida with Hebrew school, hockey and school, I asked Gavin: Where would you like to have your Bar Mitzvah? He said Mom, all of my Jewish friends are my camp friends, so I’d like to have it in Toronto.

BOOM. Perfect I thought. There are temples we can easily be connected to there and of course, my whole family lives there and anyone else traveling in will mostly be coming from New York so it’s an easy flight.

To put a cherry on top of this decision to have the Bar Mitzvah in Toronto…the synagogue we chose had Gavin’s birthday available: 10.22.22. WHAT A GREAT SOUNDING DATE! AND IT’S THE ACTUAL DAY THAT HE TURNS 13! AH!

We chose Beth Tikvah and Rabbi Grover to lead Gavin’s Bar Mitzvah in Toronto through family recommendations. Rabbi Grover was there for us for Mom and Boobie’s funerals and it was pretty nice closing out the tough year with an uplifting celebration as joyous as Gavin’s Bar Mitzvah. I know that Mom and Boobie were dancing along with us and sharing in all the nachas.

Rabbi Grover is an absolute doll and Beth Tikvah is beautiful. On the day of Gavin’s bar mitzvah, it was sunny and unusually warm for an October Saturday in Toronto making everything just that much more perfect.

Gavin had spent countless hours studying for and learning his portion. On top of that, he had to learn a Haftorah and write a speech called a D’var Torah. Let me explain each of these in case you don’t know what I’m talking about:
1. The portion: This is the most important part of the Bar Mitzvah service. The child is called to the “bema” where they read a “Portion” of the Torah based on the date of their Bar Mitzvah.
Gavin’s Torah portion was about the wickedness and the immorality of the people that reached such proportions that G‑d gave the world 120 years to clean up their act or be destroyed. Noah, on the other hand, was an exception. He was righteous and found favor in G‑d's eyes.
2. The Haftorah: The child usually chants the haftorah, the weekly prophetic portion, which is associated thematically with the Torah portion. The child also chants the blessings that precede and follow the haftarah reading.
3. The D’Var Torah: The child often delivers a talk that delves into themes of the Torah portion or the haftorah. Often the child explains why these themes are important in his or her own life. The talks vary in depth according to the child’s level of scholarship and the synagogue’s tradition. The subject matter may also be more wide ranging. In traditional settings, the talk may demonstrate the child’s Talmudic expertise. In liberal settings, the talk may describe a student’s bar/bat mitzvah tzedakah, or social action, project in which case for Gavin, was our Totes for Teachers program that we started together, after a year of clearing teacher’s wish lists to help them get the supplies that they need without going into their own pockets.

What made Gavin’s service unique was how he wrote his D’Var Torah (which I’m linking to and we are all so proud to share) and more so, how he delivered it. I always knew Gavin would get up on to the bema “stage” and kick ass. But I had no idea how hard he would kick ass. There was not one dry eye in that synagogue, including the congregation members who were there for weekly Shabbat service and had never met Gavin before. He spoke with intonation, with confidence, looking at the audience and finally, with great emotion. Our family had a tough year suffering the loss of the matriarch’s in our family: My Mother and her Mother, my Boobie Frieda. Gavin spoke about them both and when doing so, broke down in tears but kept on going. When he had to follow this speech with his Haftorah, he had to pull himself together, keep his head up and get back to chanting Hebrew. I have seen a LOT of Bar Mitzvahs in my day…but never have I seen one like this. The amount of pride we had for this boy that day, was indescribable.

To personalize Gavin’s service a little, I had custom kipot and masks made and set out for our guests to take upon entry. Lux Kipot made these for me along with all of the swag for Gavin’s party which we’ll discuss in part 2 of my Bar Mitzvah blog series.

Now let’s talk outfits for a moment. I’m guessing mine is the only one you care to talk about. HA. Kidding. But for real let’s start with mine…

A friend who I was so glad I met years ago while living in New York, Emily Shalant, went out on her own to design a line of clothing during Covid. She’s now killing it with this line and I knew immediately when booking Gavin’s Bar Mitzvah that my outfit for the service would be from her. I LOVE the color navy especially for the fall and more so I love how Emily combines comfort with elegance and style throughout her line. When I saw photos of her hand beaded short sleeve top with a matching pleated, taffeta skirt, I knew that was the outfit for me. I went to her studio to try it on and it was perfect. All the outfit needed was my hot pink heels and voila. STUNNING! Thank you Emily for making me look fabulous and for designing this absolutely gorgeous line of clothing!

I will also mention the boys suits because I find boys suiting VERY difficult to find! Adam, who loves Harry Rosen in Toronto, was there shopping for suits for the Bar Mitzvah and work during the summer. He asked if they had boys suiting and the salesman (who we LOVE: Mark!) said no - try North Boys. We went over to North Boys with Gavin and we were elated with their selection! We found suits for both boys for the service and snazzy sports coats for them to wear to the party. They had belts, shirts, ties…you name it. A one stop, super chic shop! How HANDSOME DO THESE GUYS LOOK?!

I noticed for shoes, the kids wear Nikes these days to the party AND the service. Seems a bit weird to me…but that’s kids these days! Gavin wanted to wear a big chunky pair of Nikes. I was able to convince him to wear a pair of slim, Nike Trailblazers so his suit wouldn’t bunch up. My sister and her family bought these fabulous shoes for him and I gotta say…they looked so great!

Gavin’s Bar Mitzvah was on a Saturday morning. Since Saturdays are the holiest day of the week as we observe God’s day of rest known as Shabbat, photos and videos were not allowed in the temple during his service. These photos that I am sharing here are from the rehearsal that we had the day prior to his Bar Mitzvah. Since there is only one person that I truly trusted to shoot this Bar Mitzvah the way I wanted to remember it, I had Dave Robbins, my dear friend come to Toronto to shoot for us and I’m forever grateful. When clients book an event with me I always tell them - the most important vendor that you can hire is the photographer because when he party is over, all you are left with is the photos. The photos that Dave took are so beautiful and perfect and I will cherish each and every shot forever.